TRICK OR TREAT

Trick only if your name is Candi with an "i" and you charge extra for me to call you Cuddy.

Treat if it's Vicodin.

This year, I'll be Doctor Greg House.

What are you?

TENNANT STEPS DOWN AS DOCTOR WHO

Sadness. But then, this is what makes Doctor Who so great.

I want James Nesbitt.

TITLE TBD

File this under stuff nobody really cares about, but I accord way too much thought to.

I give a lot of thought to titles when I'm writing. Sometimes it shows, sometimes not so much. In fact, I generally have a hard time getting started if I don't have a title. Certainly, I obsess to ridiculous degree when writing a spec pilot to get the series name just right. That being the case, I'm glad that the standard is to just title the pilot episode "Pilot."* When I'm writing a regular series spec, I put a lot of thought into titles.

So I hate it when TV series have titles that are just...wrong. Fanciful titles that don't match the tone of the show. Titles that are just cheap jokes. Titles that reference some insignificant part of the story or are essentially titles for the C or D plot. Hate these things. And I know that, in most cases, 92% of the viewing public has no idea what the title of a episode is. Few series actually put the title up on screen and fewer people even let the title register when they do happen to see it, say on their DVR info box or something. I, however am paying attention.

So it bugged the snot out of me that Life on Mars (US) titled their third episode, which concerned the hatred received by returning Vietnam vets and attitudes toward homosexuality, "My Maharishi is Bigger Than Your Maharishi" apparently in reference to subplot, actually just a piece of a subplot. It sounds like a sitcom title, not a crime drama title. It sounds like some lame Bochco series title.

Bochco has some of the worst titles. NYPD Blue for instance was riddled with puns, stupid rhymes and juvenile attempts at humor. A couple of years ago, when he and his family took over Commander In Chief from Rod Lurie (and promptly took one of that years highest rated debuts and ground it into a directionless paste) replaced the titling pattern of "First ______" and immediately put the stamp of crap on it by giving their first episode the title "Rubie Doubidoux and the Brown Bound Express." It referred to a a forced throw-away Scooby-Doo joke and was was essentially a half-formed E-plot.

Is it rally so difficult to put some thought into it. Some titles may not be flashy but they means something when looked at in conjunction with the episode. For instance, I gave a lot of thought to the title for my House script and landed on "Two Certainties." Doesn't sound like much (but does fit in with the House title style), but the story revolves around both the patient's and House's desperation to avoid death and how in the case of the latter, it directly resulted in a tax investigation. Death and taxes. So, I referenced the Ben Franklin quote "In this world, nothing can be said to be certain, but death and taxes."

I do like a good obscure title though. The X-Files had this down. Whether it was a word in a foreign language, on archaic term or a direct reference to some small (but vital) item from the plot, their sparked the imagination.

Sometimes a word sparks my imagination and the title begets the story. This happened most recently with my Mad Men spec. When I was brainstorming ideas, I looked at what was going on int he word at the time I was setting the story (between first and second seasons). I noticed this was when the Soviets beat us into manned space flight with the Vostok mission. I wanted to use the title "Vostok." Mad Men also has a penchant for cool titles that have resonance with the story but are indirect (though not all, my favorite being "Shoot" which references Betty's return to modeling at her flipping out and using a BB gun on the neighbor's birds). I launched (no pun intended) off the idea of failure as motivation to achieve, much as the US's failure to get man in space first just further fired their collective resolve.

And while you might not think I would, I do like the practice of patterned titles, as mentioned earlier in reference to Commander In Chief. The most obvious example today being the Chuck titles that begin "Chuck Vs." La Femme Nikita had an odd pattern in that each season, all the titles used a number of words equal to the season number, so when they ended in the fifth year, the titles were all five years. Imagine if it didn't get cancelled.

Patterns amuse me when I'm writing a spec for such a series. It sparks the imagination to fill in the blank. "Chuck Vs. Your Los Angeles Lakers," "Chuck Vs. William Shatner," "Chuck Vs. Predator."

I had a devil of a time with the Dexter titles. I could have used a pattern there, until I just stumbled on the play on words "Setting Son" that addressed my script's dealing with both matters of suicide and daddy issues.

And also, in reference to titling specs, it annoys me when I read someone's spec (or even just am made aware of it) and they do not adhere to the titling style of the series it goes to. In writing specs we're expected to do it the way they do it as much as humanly possible, down to their format quirks and all, so I think that should extend to the title. Get into that headspace all the way. Your Smallville spec has to have a one-word title (though really, a Smallville spec?).

So Life on Mars, step it up. While it's not an eye grabber, I might have called that episode "Brothers In Arms." It plays off male relationships, especially the strong military aspect, it hits Gene's dedication to fellow vets as well. My favorite titles hit more than one thing in an episode.

Also worth noting, UK Life on Mars had no episode titles.

*Though on one occasion I was able to use the title "Pilot" as though it were a real title, as a helicopter pilot was central to the plot.

SARAH PALIN PORN SCRIPT READING

Some weekend shite. Nailin' Paylin as performed by Thandie Newton and Ricky Gervais.

DEXTER: "Setting Son" - PAGE 29




• INT. POLICE STATION - DEXTER’S INNER LAB - DAY 2
  
• Dexter proceeds directly to a countertop fridge. He opens it, revealing various blood samples, including some vials of cloudy, pinkish water. He takes it out and holds it up, examining it, until....
  
• DEB (O.S.)
  
• You okay, bro?
  
• Dexter glances back at Deb. She’s leaning in the door way, arms folded.
  
• DEXTER
  
• Yeah, I’m..
  
• (shakes it off)
  
• I just get cranky when I oversleep.
  
• DEXTER (V.O.)
  
• Or when I haven’t killed and dismembered anyone since--
  
• DEB
  
• Well, knock it the fuck off.
  
• Dexter leans back in his chair and starts absently swaying from side to side.
  
• DEB
  
• Tonight is stress relief night. You, me and Angel. Castillo’s. After work. You’re not there, and it’s like that time you took the head off my Malibu Stacy. You remember that, right?
  
• Dexter nods, sheepishly. Deb backs out the door.
  
• DEB
  
• I can still take you.
  
• She’s out. He rolls his eyes.
  
• DEB (O.S.)
  
• Better believe it.
  
• She’s gone. Dexter turns around and leans forward on the counter. Looks at the sample. Wistful.
  

A GOOD BAD GUY

Here in the lair, we cannot sing, and thus we have not attempted to apply for membership in the Evil League of Evil. While songs were not required in the application, I tend to look down...far down on apps that are songless. Even though some are quite amusing. But Red Right Hand has allies, and in the race to join Bad Horse's esteemed organization, favor is given to Fury of Solace. He does evil so you don't have to.

And if you have no fucking clue what I'm on about, go here then here.


Submitted for your approval: Fury of Solace's application for admission into the Evil League of Evil from Fury of Solace on Vimeo.

ATTN: ENEMIES OF THE UNITED STATES

Apparently, if you want to decimate the United States intelligence and covert ops capabilites, don't bother with the Pentagon or Langley or anything. Take out L.A.

Alias
Chuck
She Spies
24

and now...

My Own Worst Enemy, the latest in a long line of series that have made La-La land into spy city.

As for the show itself...I never got around to reading the pilot script so I just watched the first episode last night with, not high hopes, but reasonable hopes. I dig spy shows, it's a good (if not entirely original) concept and I like a number of the people involved.

Riddled with logic problems and basically fails to use the premise to its fullest, leaving us with a modern day Jekyll and Hyde that comes off as Hide and Hyde. If you get my meaning(s). Though I did like that Edward as a grade-A asshole to Henry. Looked really good though. The money shows. I'll keep on with it.

Now, seriously, can anyone give me a logical reason why CTU would ever require a substation in Torrance?

WRONG CHRIS

Today most of the country celebrates the wrong Chris. One the who didn't discover the New World and was generally a raging asshole who opened up a hemisphere to not a whole lot of good. An opinion colored by the fact that this holiday is not celebrated by the psychopathic profitmongers (i.e. corporations) that I am generally working for at any given moment.

So, that last movie not withstanding, Happy Birfday, Chris Carter.

"IT'S ON AMERICA'S TORTURED BROW..."

In short, I am fucking pleased with the first episode of Life on Mars (US). After David E. Kelly's first version that was so faithful to the original that it essentially was a somnambulation through the original UK version, and as such came across fairly lifeless. Appelbaum and friends have found the perfect balance between the original and one that has it's own identity and it quickly established that it will not just be taking the UK show's gimmick to tell crime stories, but can actually speak to American viewers in the same way the the Kudos version can speak to UK viewers. And they did it in no uncertain terms...or images.



It still used the original version's pilot as a hard baseline. Still a lot of the same scenes, and a lot of the same lines with sometimes just an added in throwaway to make it "ours." I think they work. Here's the script if you want to compare, though I'm sure you can "acquire" it if you think about it for .0534 seconds. A while back I got the region 2 DVDs, but if this show does well, maybe they'll take a new look at clearing the copious amount of music and get an R1 release.

The primary variation comes in the approach to Sam's dilemma. The original was bathed in ambiguity and in it's two year, 16 ep run, never put any amount f certainty as to whether Sam was really in '73 or in a coma. A full first season here will already go way past the UK versions limited run, and with any US series looking to get four-to-seven years out of it, you're going to have to spin it different and look at providing some answers here and there anyway, or else run the danger of getting Laura Palmer Syndrome.

Where this version diverges most from the UK and original US pilot is ditching the part where Annie's boyfriend nearly psychobabbles Sam into killing himself. A scene that totally failed in the US version. It new scene is, well, I'll not spell it out in case you haven't seen it yet, and the details are irrelevant to the point that it sets the stage to proceed at its own pace and doesn't commit to any reasoning for Sam's condition and will allow for a greater eventual divergence from the original.

In numbers, the show came in strong with an 8.2/14 in the overnights and it held four/fifths of the Grey's audience, so...fuck, yeah. For the night, ABC saw no significant change over a year ago, so good news there as many other nights for the network have seen big drops.

This could be really, really, specable. I so want to.*

At the exact same time, the same thing is unfolding on CBS. Eleventh Hour. It's the crime-procedural non-weird Fringe...not accurate, but...it's weird science for a more conservative mindset. It's based on the UK version pilot, and while it echoes many scenes, it's more of a rewrite. Most importantly, I think it benefits most from being 42 minutes of show and not 90. The original was too slow for me. Still, prefer Patrick Stewart over Rufus Sewell.

It also had a cool trick (non-story, non-writing) coming out of the teaser. Watch it, you'll see what I mean

*Yeah, could all fall apart real fast too. We'll see how the coming weeks shake out. And, of course, if no one is watching, then it's all moot.

OMG - PARIS HILTON DIDN'T MAKE ME WANT TO VOMIT

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

THOUGHTS ON THE FIREFLY 7th SEASON PREMIERE

The end is nigh. The last season of Firefly started last night and if the season premiere is any indication, it comes a season too late.

Joss was on a roll last season only to be brought to a screeching halt by the writer's strike. Those nine episodes are right up there with the first season's classic hours. It marked a return to form that we thought would be unattainable after the slipping in the third season (except for the Shepherd Book storyline) and the absolutely abominable fourth season that saw Mal and the crew in the employ of the Inner Worlds Provisional Government as System Marshals. The Shield in space sounds good, but in practice, not so much.

The fifth season's attempt to return the crew of the Serenity to some kind of outlaw status was too obvious, having framed them for the assassination of President Ying-Smith. It also went on way too long. However, the political play afforded by last year's return of Inara to the series as she navigated the halls of the capitol on Sihnon trying to uncover the conspiracy, set the stage for the series to get back to it's original status quo. If only we could get Ron Glass back on the show. While his death at the end of the two-parter that revealed his past as an Operative was one of the most stirring on TV in recent memory, I still miss him. He was always my favorite.

But with last night's episode, "Rise and Fall," (the first season premiere not written by Whedon, who has apparently decided the leave the series in Cain's hands for it's final run while he preps Dollhouse and works on the Dr. Horrible stuff) the wishes of fans for things to be like the first season were met a little too literally. Be careful what you wish for and all that. The revelation that new government is actually a puppet of the New Sun corporation almost suggests that everything we and the crew have been though has been for naught. And with no Miranda controversy this time, what's gonna happen to topple yet another corrupt government (though this does serve as an interesting socio-political commentary on the dangers a too-powerful executive branch). Are we headed for a downer ending? A suicidal last battle come May sweeps?

The episode wasn't all bad, though. Jayne's big action piece in the fourth act when he was chasing Mal across the rooftops on Ariel had me actually kinda rooting for him. And Adam Baldwin just crackles when he tries to get all authoritarian and keeps flashing that badge to people who couldn't give a rat's ass.

Also, the rhyming game and Wash and River were playing between taking pot shots as the Marshals was hilarious. When she said "spleen" and got the last guy and then Wash said "washing machine" and killed an appliance...guess you had to be there.

Nothing against Cain, her episodes rank right up there with the Jossmeister's. That one where Saffron gets her memory back after a year as Mal's actual wife, "Missy" was a roller coaster ride and Mal's still carrying those scars, figuratively and literally. She knows the show inside out, having been around since her first season episode, "Dead or Alive."

Still, I wish they would have got Minear back to close things out. He would have given us a season that would makes us cry for an eighth.

Still, I liked it better than last night's Fringe. Not that I should complain about Fox's Sci-Fi Tuesday Especially if they bench Fringe and put Dollhouse on at 9/8c. JOSS NIGHT!

I GOT TENSION ON ME

Once again, this week, I'm taking my cues from another esteemed member of the scriptwriting blogosphere. From The Mystery Man:

What are some examples of great tension and suspense in cinema history? What made those examples great? What's to be learned by it? What are some bad examples? Because I would really like to know.

However, see that one word? The eleventh one. No. Not doing that. We talk TV around here and there are just as valuable lessons to be learned from the Cathode Arts, so I've chosen to write about...

Battlestar Galactica: "33"

As the Ron Moore-written episode begins, we are given introductory levels of tension. We know there's a clock ticking, we don't immediately know why. There's a nice cool level of tension. We know we're going to get answer, but we can't help being a little twitchy until we get and we're trying to piece together from the clues we're given. Like, why is everyone so tired. Bloodshot eyes, tenuous consciousness. Five o'clock shadow....like five o'clock the next day.

This, right here, is one of my favorite kinds of tension. The kind that doesn't just take you for a ride, but makes you a backseat driver. Something's happening, and the viewer is piecing it together as, if not just before, it happens. It involves, and it doesn't talk down. That's a tricky one, if there's any measure of predictability, you're shot. But it gets the mind racing and the viewer is taken to the edge of seat as they think they're on the leading edge of figuring something out while all that information, and all those moments build to the reveal of what's going on, right at the instant you've think you've figured it out. Or did you? Maybe you were just strapped in at the front of the ride.

Then we understand. This 33 minute tracking interval? When we begin the episode, this has happened 236 times. Every 33 minutes for 5 days. No one is sleeping for more than a half an hour at a shot. If that. No one gets a rest. As soon as you jump, you have to prep for the next one is the toasters will blow you out of the sky.

It's a tension we can imagine well. It's rooted in something we've likely experienced. You ever crammed for a test late a night, but you can't keep your eyes open. Ever faced a deadline that denied you sleep? Yeah, multiply that. And it doesn't need to be spoken, though we do get a line from Tigh, early on, one that we can remember once the first jump is made.


• TIGH
• We're getting slower.

It's obvious that each iteration is degraded from the previous. This problem needs to be solved and soon or it might be the next cycle that takes the fleet 34 minutes.

It's a great situation that is just fraught with plot tension, but creates tension among character who mightn't not be so inclined and magnifies the tension among others; sexual tension, professional tension, etc. A worn-down Starbuck is resistant to take stims (speed) from her Captain, Apollo. Yeah, both tensions are there. There both frazzled, so much so that when Apollo fails to get on her ass about following orders, she goes off on him for it.

The B-plot in here is the tension of dramatic irony. Roslin has received word from another ship in the fleet that a Dr. Amarak needs to speak with her urgently. Only we and Baltar know that it's most likely (not even certain) that it's because he can expose Baltar's instrumental role in the apocalypse that befell the 12 Colonies.

Both of these plots come together in the tense scene where Apollo and Starbuck are in their Vipers to investigate a returning ship that the fleet had lost in a previous jump. The Olympic Carrier is suspected as having been compromised in some way.
Baltar voices the suspicion.


• BALTAR
• If they were left behind, why didn't the Cylons destroy them?

Maybe they are the key to the Cylon's tracking abilities. Is there an agent aboard? They might be rigged with radiological bombs. Also, that's the ship that Dr. Amarak is aboard.

Apollo and Starbuck are finally given the order. Destroy it. Another involving tension here. The tough decision. But it's the kind that isn't just in the story, it challenges you too. What would you do? Could you pull the trigger on a passenger ship that may or may not be full of 1300 innocent people because it's suspected being a threat.

What do I take from these examples. There is no tension without engagement. Not just because the plot is interesting, but because it fires the mind. You can write tension, but it's not enough just to put a ticking clock on it or to jsut jump back and forth in a situation. That's cheap. When the story challenges you or lets you in on something, it involves you, and then, that's when tension can ply its...tense...trade upon you.

HEAD FULL OF NOISE

So yeah, there's this writerly-song meme thing going around. As seen at Emily's and at Bill's and at Piers' (interesting POV on that one)...to name but three.

I thought to myself, "hey, that's a good way to fill a post." I didn't have to think about this one very long. It always been sitting in the back of my mind for this purpose and we'll just overlook that it's on the soundtrack of a really fucking bad movie.

I'll hand it over in a moment, let me just spell out the meme. It goes as thus...

“Find a song that sums up what you think it means to be a writer and post the lyrics on your blog and why you've chosen it. NB: It doesn't have to be your favourite song, it just has to express how you feel about writing and/or being a writer. It can be literal, metaphorical, about a particular form or aspect of writing - whatever you want.”

And I have selected "(Can't You) Trip Like I Do" by Filter with the Crystal Method.

I've got the understanding of a four year old
I've got the peace of mind of a killer's soul
I've got the rationale of a New York cop
I've got the patience of a chopping block

I've got the acumen of a seasoned pro
I've got the legacy of a billion souls
I've got the world down my back, but I don't seem to care
I've got the comprehension of a world unaware

Can't you trip like I do?

Laid out on my back, I can't sleep 'cause I'm slumming
Eyes in my teeth, I can't see 'cause I'm eating
Head full of noise, I can't think 'cause it's crushing
Back on my feet, like a freight train I'm coming

This is me. Writing.

Make of that what you will.

THINGS I DID NOT LIKE ABOUT CHUCK S02E01

I enjoyed the episode "Chuck Vs. The First Date." I did. It's a fun show. Fun. You know what that is.

Still, these things, I did not like.

• Sarah should have unloaded her whole mag and kept on clicking while Mr. Colt's brains spilled out all over hte roof after he dropped Chuck. Not in the series tone, but that what she would have done.

• They killed Tony Todd and left Bonita Fried Rice alive.

• California-centrism. Whether a Burbank in-joke or or the assumption that the entire nation is familiar with the geography of the Valley, I hate that. Really, I don't even like that the show is set in L.A.