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*He is not a secret agent. Not at all.



One in a series of posts where I answer questions from interviews of other people. Each interview is chosen by readers. You can suggest one yourself in the comments.

In this edition, I am interviewed by Entertainment Weekly's questions for Twilight co-star Ashley Greene, based on a suggestion by Adam Avitable.

Are the reactions to Twilight the same all around the country?

I really am fascinated by the way I've seen grown women - and by grown, I mean they have daughters who fit squarely in the target demographic...and a couple who aged out of it - consistently reverting to their high school states. All around the country, the housewives (so I assume from their pastel colored sweatshirts) are revealing that they weren't once cool kids and just kind of settled in to this outwardly comfortable, inwardly desolate life. They were always just a little off.

What was your most memorable fan encounter?

Probably the first time that I realized that talking into one makes you sound like a robot. Sometimes the simplest things are so ridiculously fascinating.

Why do you think fans are so obsessed?

Well, let's be fair. They're really just built to do the one thing. I'm not looking for diversity in specific appliances. I just want to stay cool.

How has playing Alice Cullen changed your career?

Honestly, it hasn't. I know much better than to ask co-workers and superiors to come to my all-transvestisism Twilight re-enactment parties.

And what is the downside?

That if they knew how awesome my Ashley Greene imitation is, they would finally respect me. It's all I want. just a little recognition for the few things in life I do well.

What was your favorite scene to film?

How did you know we tape them? Was it George? I swear, I think he's using them for his reel. Admittedly, he looks real good in Victoria's big white furry whatever that--

He gives that scene a lot of gravitas.

That's not even question. You're just fucking with me now.

What was your first reaction to New Moon?

I wish Mystery Science Theatre 3000 was still on the air. And they had a big enough budget to get the rights to it.

Who’s your closest friend in the cast?

No lie? Michael Sheen. That was easy. I mean, if you ask any of the cast, they'd all probably say the same thing about me. I think I get on the same with all of them, but I feel a special connection with Michael Sheen. I call it not-hating-him.

Is there a role out there you’d really like to play?

Oh, yes. Sherlock Holmes. Nothing like an unrepentantly smart, socially retarded, condescending, drug-addicted crimefighter. Answering this question, by no means suggests an actual ability to act and even if I could, I'm no Benedict Cumberbatch.

If you could pick the director to helm Breaking Dawn, who would it be?

David Mamet.

Edward: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.

Bella: Lamb.

Edward: Sick.

Bella: Fucking stupid lamb.

Edward: Sick, masochistic...

Bella: The lamb?

Edward: Cocksucker lion.

©2024 Michael Patrick Sullivan
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