24 HOURS YOU'LL NOT HAVE

I was recently asked about the additional day of the week I discovered. Blergsday.

It's extremely useful. I wrote my one act play largely on Blergsdays.

Unfortunately, I can't really talk much about this additional day or how it can be found. Well, it's not so much that I can't. I won't. I don't trust you with it. You can't be trusted to respect Blergsday. Blergsday has to be used with extreme care and I just can't let it out to the world.

The scenario is quite clear. At first, it'll be used well. Additional time with one's family. One can catch up on their DVR recording. You know, get some writing done. Perhaps play some Frisbee Golf. Whatever floats your boat. Boat floating. All will be well and good, until it falls into the hands of the corporations. Or really just anybody in the business of business.

It starts quite simply. Let's say the fine people at Target learn of Blergsday. That a whole extra day that people could be buying stuff. Now, Target is open on Blergsday, where previously they weren't (because they don't know about it). Wal-Mart can't let that stand. Now they're open on Blergsday. And so is Home Depot, and Barnes & Noble and Office Max and IKEA and *this corporation's check bounced* and Nationwide Insurance and Motorola and Household Finance and your local Coca Cola Bottlers. Suddenly, now, everybody has to work on Blergsday. So they we are working eight days a week, as the Beatles said and wondering where the time goes and wishing fro an extra day of the week so we can get things done.

Well, you had one. It was called Blergsday and you ruined it. It's like whoever that first guy that decided to be opne on Sundays was. He ruined it for everyone.

Put simply, no Blergsday for you.

Suck it.

BTW, since I found Blergsday, i got to name it. So I did. But, just out of curiosity, I decided to google it. There were, out of three pages of results, two entries that didn't refer specifically to me Blergsday. it is possible I didn't forge the path to Blergsday myself. Or perhaps it was some kind of racial memory...or species memory. I dunno.

I'm gonna try to patent Blergsday. Being that I live in the U.S. it shouldn't be a problem, since the patent office here will apparently let you patent anything. Even things that exist in nature that were not invented or simple processes that everyone has been doing for, like, ever, in order to do everyday things.