Red Right Hand: THERE IS NO LIFE ON MARS
*He is not a secret agent. Not at all.

 

THERE IS NO LIFE ON MARS

Not, however referring to Life On Mars (U.S.), which is looking up, looking at these.

No, I refer to this Veronica Mars related thingy...
"Kristen and I ran into each other, and we did discuss a Veronica movie," - Rob Thomas
Wow. Wouldn't that just be the awesome sauce?

I think not. Let's take a closer look, eh?

It sounds cool, but I think it can't live up to anybody's expectations. I mean, c'mon...everything after the first season didn't even live up to everybody's expectations.

But with less snark, I say let dead things stay dead. A VM movie could only serve to be really disappointing or really aggravating...and I mean aggravating in the same way that season-four-that-could-have-been feature on the DVD's was aggravating.

First of all, we'll be coming at a Veronica who's been away from us for years. We'll have built her up in our heads to be this something awesome, like the youngest and most successful FBI agent ever, but she's getting older and so are we. And what if Rob decided she wasn't going to be an FBI agent after all? Well, we all had our hopes up. Rob might be in a different headspace now. We might be too. Nothing will ever be the same again. You can't get that first season back.

And let's not forget that a feature is a whole different format than our young lady was devised to exist in. We won't get the slow peeling of a mystery onion over the course of a season, or an extended arc. The whole tension dynamic will be different...and if it isn't different and is more like the series, then all we got was one more extended episode. Which seems like a let down doesn't.

But let's say it all falls together and blows us away. It's just going to piss us off that that's all we get. Maybe there would be another movie, but now we're waiting a year or two between episodes.

But we're not getting a sequel. We're not getting a movie. Not for a show that generally fell in the bottom 10% of network shows for the years that it was on. Those are lists that generally ran past one-hundred-fifty shows. And some of the ones ahead of Vera there were really bad and really cancelled. What studio is going to put money behind that property.

Maybe the DVD sets sold well, I don't have the figures on that nor do I intend to do the google-fu to get it, but my experience says that a lot of those people who bought the sets, did so because they weren't watching the show. There's a bit of a Firefly effect there. Those who watched converted those who didn't. The people who couldn't find the time to watch one of the best two or three shows on at that time. They're probably not going to find the time to go buy the movie ticket. They'll be waiting for the DVD. There's a chunk of projected earnings not being projected. And the studio that might consider putting money there knows that and will budget accordingly.

And sorry, but Vera doesn't have the same pull as Mal.

...and there's still tons who can't see past the perceived teen chick genre.

Fact is, this movie's not happening. You know that VM comic that DC was talking to RT about? See it anywhere? Me neither. Rob's busy.

Maybe he'll go back to Veronica Mars in ten or fifteen years and start over. You know, like with Cupid?

He could cast the girl that plays Astor on Dexter. She'd be old enough by then.

And who'd play the new Keith? Hmm?

Let dead things stay dead.

Sometimes.
©2016 Michael Patrick Sullivan