HOW JACK WILL GET THE LAST SUITCASE NUKE

FADE IN:

INT. DEAL OR NO DEAL SET

Audience in mid-roar. They dial it down as Howie launches into...

HOWIE

Welcome back to Deal or No Deal, the game where you can win from one cent to one million dollars, and you people at home, don't forget to play the home game by texting--

JACK

--Just tell me which one it's in.

HOWIE

We're here with Jack Bauer, from Los Angeles, CA.
Jack's just a little excited aren't you, Jack?

Jack exudes the gravitas...and sneers a little.

HOWIE

Sometimes, here at Deal or No Deal, we like to
switch up the game a little. Usually we'll up the
maximum amount a suitcase can hold, giving
contestants a chance to win up to six million
dollars. That's not what we've done today, is it Jack?

Jack smacks Howie across the face with his gun. Howie wipes the blood from his nose on his suit sleeve, laughing it off.

HOWIE

No, it's okay. Jack's just anxious because in of
these twenty-five cases is one of Al-Fayed's
suitcase nukes. He's hoping it's in the one
selected before the break.

Howie gestures to a silver metal case placed on a stand at the podium. It is emblazoned with a big black "24."

HOWIE
(knowingly)
Some special significance to that number?

Jack points his gun directly at Howie.

JACK
Give me the nuke. Right now.

HOWIE
Jack, let's give the game a try first.
We start by opening five suitcases, then
the banker will--

Jack shoots one of the models, specifically Aubrie.

JACK
Number one.

Jack shoots Jenelle

JACK
Number two.

HOWIE
Jack!

JACK
(yelling at Howie)
Which case?

Gravitas!

HOWIE
Awright awright awright. I'll tell you.

Howie looks to the camera and grins.

HOWIE
When we come back.

Audience groans turning to cheers as we pull up and back. GUNSHOTS as we...

FADE OUT.

NEPTUNE COUNTY AND THE KOREAN WAR

SPOILERS for Veronica Mars: "Mars, Bars"

It was unexpected and meaningless.

Which is why it was so good. Not everybody gets to go out in a blaze of glory and redemption. He was a cop and sometimes bad things happen to cops (and he was an asshole as well, so there's that too...I knew there was something more to that exchange between him and Wallace that called back to the pilot). You wouldn't do it to Keith or even to Weevil, but you can do it to Lamb.

While it was unexpected, it didn't hit me with the call from the county commissioner and the words "Sheriff Lamb's dead." It hit me with the words "I smell bread" some ten or so minutes prior. It was sealed right there. His fate was sealed like...with a...heat sealer...or something.

Lying on the floor, waiting for an ambulance, all Lamb could say was "I smell bread."

In the May 4, 1981 episode of M*A*S*H ("The Life You Save"), Charles has a near-death experience and becomes obsessed with the afterlife. As a solider he cannot save lays dying on his cot, Charles asks him what he sees. He has to know. The solider only responds "I smell bread."

It seems this episode has found it's way into the subculture of sermons. You know that pastors, preachers and priests circulate their little homilies and ideas and what-not. Just like you know that they're not so clever as to actually come up with all those clever things on the signs out front. Think about it, remember in the dark ages (pre-internet) they weren't always so clever.

Anyway, it's got to do with bread and wine and communion and that Jesus dude.

Here's an example.

So, I guess Don was kinda of a religious guy. Or, at least, he became one right quick.

NEW INTERNATIONAL SYMBOL FOR RADIATION DANGER

As detailed here.

And about damned time too. The old symbol was simply too unclear. It could easily mean "Beware of ceiling fan" or something.

Leave it up to those bastards at the IAEA to botch it up like a big botched up thing.

The new symbol is obviously going to be misread as "Watch out for sharpened spaghetti shot from ceiling fans at pirates and Olympic marathon runners.

You see it that way, don't you?

Don't you?

NOBODY MAKES YOU READ THIS

Since I can't quite bring myself to write about what has actually been been on my mind recently other than to say in has to do with the general "inaccessability" of TV lit agents and the desire to be judged by my writing and not by who I don't know, I shall curse you all with a meme (or a MeMe) I snagged from Blogography. It's short and unobnoxious with an alphabet theme.

Going linkless on this one, so Google up if you feel the need.

A- Available or Single? Available in much the same way as H5N1 is available.
B- Best Friend? One, for absolutely certain and it has become more and more certain of late.
C- Cake or Pie? I like frosting, surely, but ultimately I go for pie. Cherry, apple and pineapple.
D- Drink of Choice? Cherry Vanilla Doctor Pepper. Don't even have to think about it.
E- Essential Item? my iBook. Again, no-brainer.
F- Favorite Color? I really, honestly don't have one. Thus, I lean toward black. Goes with everything.
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Worms, if only for the dirt-related treats made with them.
H- Hometown? Not born there, don't know if I'll get back there, but Lake County, IL
I- Indulgence? DVDs, I s'pose. Comics? Used to be craps. $25 on the field.
J- January or February? January. I get presents in January.
K- Kids and Names? They are not legally defined as children so much as pets, thus...zero.
L- Life is incomplete without…? TV...I'm a sad, sad man.
M- Marriage Date? Irrelevant as I'm no longer married.
N- Number of Siblings? Zip.
O- Oranges or Apples? Oranges.
P- Phobias/Fears? I fear the crash and burn. In the general sense.
Q- Favorite Quote? "By changing some words, the world can move...or not, by changing some words." - Toby Ziegler
R- Reasons to smile? Lacking at the moment.
S- Season? Fall, I guess.
T- Tag 3 people? Shyeah.
U- Unknown Fact About Me? Another one? Geez. I frequently wake up, make a peanut butter sandwich, eat it and go right back to sleep. Whole thing takes about four minutes.
V- Vegetable You Hate? Potatoes in mashed form.
W- Worst Habit? That I'll admit to? How about letter U.
X- Xrays You’ve Had? Just dental
Y- Your Favorite Foods? Portillo's chili cheeseburger, scrambled eggs, cheap steaks, and ham.
Z- Zodiac? Caprica....duh, I mean Capricorn. Big old goat.

READING SOME TV

I get that look when people find out that I watch TV with the closed captioning on. That look that is not too dissimilar from the look that people get when they mention something like being born a hermaphrodite, having voted for Nader (which by the way, makes the last six years your fault*) or not knowing who or what a Paris Hilton is.

It took a little getting used to when I first started doing it (quite some while ago), but I quickly learned to just treat it as part of the landscape of TV (though nothing keeps it from being annoying while watching live newscasts, it skips around and covers on-screen info).

I started doing this for two reasons. One reason is sometimes I miss something being said, through either the fault of the sound mix or the fault of questionable hearing. The other, better reason is that sometimes the captioner isn't working from the actual episode but from a script. One that has been changed.

It happened on Veronica Mars last night ("There Has To Be A Morning After Pill") when VM approaches the girl-watching Dick Casablancas in the course of her investigations.

As aired:

Not as aired:

It happens a lot. Sometimes, the difference isn't worth noting. Sometimes, it is. It seems to happen with more comedic material. I notice it on The Simpsons quite frequently.

Just FYI. Also, you do this and subtitles will be less bothersome when you watch foreign films or Sun/Jin epsiodes of Lost.

Interesting little CC joke. On the X-Files episode "War of the Coprophages," Mulder encounters a scientist that studies cockroaches named Bambi. The following season, Mulder is tossed in a Russian prison cell ("Terma") and finds a cockroach. The closed captioning read: "Bambi?"

*not really

A BIT OF LAIR-KEEPING

It's time for some adjustments in the Most Highly Favored.

On the TV side. Dexter was the most recent addition until now. I've considered Friday Night Lights and have decided to add it. For now. We'll see how the ratings and executives treat it come May.


Watch it, even if you don't like football. Or Texas. Such subtle writing.

More action on the comics side.

First is Manhunter. Cancelled. Again. 30 issues, not a bad run. Actually, a little up and down but the use of DC history put me in mind of Starman and then actually making her be a relation of Jack Knight helped endear the series to me somewhat. It's done though.


Solid writing, fantastic art and the use of that same DC history, that continuity and depth is what gets Justice Society of America on the list. And that guy on the left...the latest Starman. Putting a Starman in there is a good way to get me involved. Maybe not recommended for the comics newbie, but I loves the hell out of it.


Planetary. Off now. Technically not done. There's one more issue. An epilogue issue. Who knows when this will happen. Could be this year, could be next. Maybe Ellis and Cassaday will never get around to it (and that would be decent cause for rioting). Being that that is the case, it's time for it to come down. If you're a fan of super-heroes (of any kind) and you didn't read this, you might as well just irradiate yourself now, because either you'll get super-powers or your wasted life will soon be over.

And for those who may have wondered about the criteria or lack thereof for getting on the Most Highly Favored sidebar. I generally steer away from mini-series (TV or print). In fact, it's all stuff that has some level of ongoingness about them. That's why no films or novels, though I suppose I could spotlight a novel or film series, but I'm not gonna (though, the Queen & Country spot, while picturing the comic, can be assumed to cover the novels as well). And, as evidenced in this post, things not currently in production are not listed. If they were, it would be a huge list of comics and tv shows going back to 60's...even the 40's. Maybe someday I'll make a (separate) page of them or something, but not today. Also, they are in no particular order, occasionally I'll move them around. Just because.