INSTAPITCH™ (THE TRAVEL EDITION)

In which I promise to get to a point...

Something I read in a very old book has stuck with me through my excuse for a writing career and it's something I keep very much in the front of my mind, next to the big box of those hooking monkeys.

The book in question is The Trouble With Tribbles by David Gerrold and it's the story of how that famous episode of Star Trek happened, from young David deciding he wants to be a writer all the way through through production and the aftermath of the tribble phenomena and the initial rumblings of organized Star Trek fandom. My copy is yellowed and is a seventh printing from 1976, but it's an intriguing look inside the brain of a young writer in a television world that has changed a lot while not changing at all.

The first chapter is about opportunity knocking and that when it does, you better be able to answer the door. Better yet, if you can, have the coffee made and hot and snacks on a tray. That's why I keep my spec pile rotating. I like to have a lot of different things ready to go at any time.

Sometimes, opportunity comes in different ways. you never know who you're going to meet and waht they're going to ask for? Can you think on your feet? Can you pitch something at the drop of a hat if you had to?

Occasionally, I like to exercise my brain a bit by coming up with one pitch for every show I watch, preferably in just a couple of minutes each. It's a good brain stretch for a short drive to pick up some beer and hardcore porn, or in my case, soda and funny books.

You don't have to work it all out. Just a little more than a log line's worth. And be hard on yourself. Is it cool or did you just barf up something to beat the clock? Honestly, my Instapitch™ to myself for an episode of Shark was met with a rolling of my eyes at...myself. It sucked, I moved on.

It's fun because it lets you put a little thought to some shows that are "unspeccable" or not spec worthy. Last night, I did one for Doctor Who (foreign show, no good for the spec) "The Forty-Four Doctors" in which The Doctor must convince The Mighty and Dread Confederation of the Sanguinary Obliton, in essence a "murder galaxy" (population: 500,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 very angry rubber-suited monsters (of which there'd only be three or four rubber suits and a lot of cut and paste)), that there is something worse in the universe than them and they're looking at it. Can he destroy an entire galaxy bent on killing everything in sight? How will he do it (hint: here)? What toll will the contemplation of such genocide take on him? Blah, blah blah. Total time thinking about this: From here to the Boston Market for meatloaf (and a lot of that was coming up with the name Mighty and Dread Confederation of the Sanguinary Obliton). Not on the way back. That was the unpleasantness with Shark.


I can only imagine how ridiculous that sounds to someone not familiar with the peculiarities of Doctor Who. Or how ridiculous it sounds to those who do. Anyway, I'm setting that one free...to the wild.

A little test of speed, style and other stuff. You can even do it with old shows if you so desire. Who knows? You might stumble over something you can use somewhere else.

BTW, this whole thing of being ready when opportunity knocks relates to the hand-wringing I've seen of late in reference to Jane Espenson's post about writing spec pilots. It's one agent she spoke with recommending anything but specs to be used as writing samples. And even if something original opens the door, they may want something else after its opened. Do both. Be ready for all eventualities. Go to war with the army you've got, and make sure that army is the one you want. Y'know?

Still working out the kinks of a Heroes spec, but I think I know how to do it now.

HOT SPEC? ROGUE SUBTLETY BUILD

Sorry about that cryptic title. Just had to make an obscure screenwriting/World of Warcraft play on words there and I know it was really bad and geeky and...yeah.

Shawna Benson has done some research and come out with a ranking of what the hot TV specs are. We thank her for her service and there will be a little something extra in her paycheck this week. Now, we'll get to how that affects me.

Curse her name!

I could have used that list one day earlier. One day!

A request came through for some of my specs. Two requests really. Well, one and half..sorta.

My recently completed Dexter script was specifically asked for in one case and resulted in my spending more of my Wednesday evening in prufreeding and review than immersed in The Burning Crusade. Had I had this information first, I might have sent off my spec for The Closer rather than one of the other two I'd selected to ride with Dex. And the pilots. And the photographs. They're grainy, but you can make out the faces. Knowhatahmean? Yeah, you do.

There's certainly is something to the hot spec thing. Upon mention of Dexter there was excitement. Well, there was an exclamation point.

Now, I'm trying to brainstorm for a Heroes spec (arguably ranked #2 on the hot spec scale (where Ugly Betty is #1 and Dexter is #3 (again, the Benson list (and now parentheses for the sake of parentheses))). the question is how to get around the arc and not write something that will feel dusty before February sweeps is over.

In the meantime, I need a job. Anyone? Hook a dude up?

FIVE THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME

Until now. From the MeMe on John Rogers' Kung Fu Monkey and Denis McGrath's Dead Things on Sticks. (Since they are not memes, they are MeMe's, 'cuz all these false memes are about the person perpetuating. That's the Avitable rationalization for continuing to call it a meme...or rather a MeMe). I hope this is okay as I am neither Canadian nor live in Canada.

One of the following is not true.

1. I have had my work produced on Broadway.

2. I have appeared on two prime time dramas.

3. I spent significant time in Guantanamo Bay.

4. I've performed in a band that opened for Depeche Mode and The Cult.

5. I was a roadie for The Neville Brothers, Chaka Khan and El DeBarge.

Use the comments section to ferret out which one is a fabrication. I will respond to challenges there. If there are no challenges, then everything must be true.

SOMEBODY ELSE'S IDEA

Sometimes, when I'm brainstorming up something for, say, a spec pilot or maybe an original comic book proposal, I get something I call "somebody else's idea."

These are frustrating things because they don't always identify themselves as such immediately. Sometimes they come back because they don't want to be somebody else's idea.

It was Alan Moore who posited the concept of ideaspace. Essentially an answer to that annoying question creator's so often get, ideaspace is that place we all reach into and pull our ideas out of. Sometimes people reach in and all get a piece of the same idea at the same time. It explains volcano, asteroid, Capote, Alexander the Great or turn-of-the-century magician movies getting developed at the same time as other volcano, asteroid, Capote, Alexander the Great or turn-of-the-century magician movies. Mmm...zeitgeisty. Sometimes, I reach in and get somebody else's idea.

What is it? It's an idea I want to see executed...by someone else. It isn't necessarily that I don't have anything I can do with the idea, it's just that sometimes I know what I want to see or read and that comes up in my brainstorming process. I don't want to hammer it out. I don't want the idea to become any level of work or to preoccupy me with thoughts of structure, voice, what-have-you.

I've written in the past about the ability or inability of writers to sit back and simply enjoy something in the medium in which they work. I can do this. I can simply watch something and not dissect it (more with movies than with TV though). If it's really good or really bad, then I can't, but MOR entertainment, I can just shut down and absorb. There's an element of this at work here. Some ideas are, to me, middle of the road. Doesn't mean I can't enjoy them, but they don't drive me enough to want to make anything out of them. I still like the idea though.

So please, someone, go forth and create for me a single-camera sitcom about the British governor of a tropical island in the late 1800s. It should be smart funny. Like M*A*S*H or Black Adder. Also, I want a movie about building submarines. A heartwarming tale of a man and his Seawolf class attack sub. It doesn't really have to be a Seawolf.

Get to it.

PERHAPS MY MOST SELF-SERVING POST YET

See, the "yet" leaves room to be even more self-serving in the future.

My birthday is in ten days (from the date of the post). That means you have time to shop. Let me help you out.

Also, you wouldn't just be giving me a present, you'd be aiding someone lacking steady employment. There could be a write-off in that. I should look into forming a foundation or something.

Largely random facts regarding my birthday: January 12
I share it with two people who exemplify opposite ends of the radio spectrum. Rush Limbaugh and Howard Stern.

I also share it with people I like, namely Oliver Platt, Rob Zombie and Kirstie Alley.

On this day, the Zanzibar Revolution began. Thus, in Tanzania, my birthday is a holiday.

The cheesy Batman TV series premiered on this day in 1966, as did All in the Family in 1971.

Lastly, one piece of trivia regarding my own birth. Shortly afterward, the hospital was demolished. Read whatever meaning you like into that.